Open or not

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Open adoption is a term generally used to describe a variety of arrangements allowing for ongoing contact between members of the 'adoption triad' (adoptive family, birth family, and adopted child). The level of openness in any relationship varies widely. Degrees of open arrangements span from mediated contact, which implies letters and photographs sent through a third party (so that the adoptive family can maintain privacy), to full disclosure of the adoptive family's personal information. In fully open adoptions, there is actual physical contact, through meetings and visits between the birth family and the adptive family. Sometimes an adoption agency may describe an adoption as 'open' when the birth-mother (and/or birth-father) may have a say or may make the actual decision on who is chosen to parent their child, though this is not the generally accepted definition.
An adoption where the adoptive and birth parents do not become aware of each others' identities and where only medical and historical information is given to the adoptive parents is known as a closed adoption.
Although open adoptions are thought to be a relatively new phenomenon, in fact most adoptions in the United States were open until the twentieth century. Until the 1930's, most adoptive parents and birth parents had contact at least during the adoption process.[1] In many cases, adoption was seen as a social support: young children were adopted out not only to help their parents (by reducing the number of children they had to support) but also to help another family by providing an apprentice.
Adoptions became closed when social pressures mandated that families preserve the myth that they were formed biologically. One researcher has referred to these families, that made every attempt to match the child physically to their adoptive families, as 'as if' families.[2][3]
Openness became the norm when infants available for adoption became scarce, and birth parents had the ability to negotiate acceptable terms for their children, including the ability to participate in decisions about who they wanted to parent their child.
Proponents of open adoption maintain that such adoptions are better for the child and represent best practice. Increasingly, as children growing up in open adoptive homes are studied, adoption researchers are finding that this might be a preferable adoption arrangement.[4] Civil rights advocates argue that openness is the right of all children, who are entitled to information about their history and heritage.
One important fact related to openness is that open adoptions are not legally enforceable agreements in many jurisdictions[5]. The adoptive parents may terminate all contact with the birth parent(s) at any time and for any reason.


We are often asked if we are in an open adoption or closed. That is always a hard one to give a simple answer to. Mainly due to the fact that everyone has their own idea on what it means.
We willing share emails and pictures with our wonderful birth mother, and family. Each week Nat writes a special one to one email just to her. I write a family email to her, her dad and step mom, her mom and step dad. I have even written to the birth father per his request but have not herd back. We have received emails from all the rest. We are printing them out and saving them for Maggie to read when the time comes.
We have also given them the address to our blogs and encourage them to share that with anyone they wish. So yeah we are open. We still have some boundaries but they are small and not set in stone.
I truly believe that blogs are the most perfect way to share information and to let people get to know who we are and how we think.

1 Month Update

So our first month as a family has passed. Life as sure changed. Who knew that something that spent so much time asleep could take up so much of your time! Of course we love every minute of it.
This month we have adjusted work schedules, mine some times from home, Nats totaly at home. We have set up car seats, cribs and decided on paint for the room. Of course we have also advised family and friends when we will be having the sealing and blessing of Maggie.
We have kept in touch with our wonderful birth mother and parts of her family. I even sent an email and some pictures to the birth father per his request that came to us through the agency.

All in all we have grown and loved this month.

With adoption that happens fast like ours you are first bowled over but now things are smoother and we can catch our breath and smile.

Oh yeah we got wonderful pics of her too.

First Supervisory Visit

After you place and before you finalize (at least in Utah) you have 3 supervisory visit with someone from the agency. We had our first visit last week. Our case worker came over and it was great. She asked the questions that are required, Basically how are we and the baby doing? What changes have you had to make? How are you and the rest of the family bonding etc.
We will have another visit in a couple of months and then right before the 6 month mark before finalization.
Family and friends have been going nuts and we are so lucky to have so many people who are instantly in love with Maggie and so supportive.

You've placed...now what?

This week has been crazy. Family and friends have all gone nuts. The Ward really went head over hills for our news. Non stop people dropping by, family all around, and a great shower from the Ward. Admist all this we knew we had to do a few things.
1. Get a Lawyer
2. Get a Doctor
3. Get her on insurance

Well, for the Lawyer, I (Scott) metioned to our Stake President that we were going to place when I saw him on Sunday before High Council. He is involed in adoption and has known of our wait and the service we do for FSA. He is a lawyer and said he would love to represent us. Wed night I saw him again and confirmed we had placed and told him the details. I asked what we needed to do now and he said nothing, I'll let you know.

For the Doctor, we have been told over and over again who is the best in the town and one name kept coming up. So we called his office only to find out that he is pretty busy and did not have an opening till end of March. I then figured out that his mom and dad live in our Ward and know us, so I called his mom, talked to her, she said she would call him and 45 minutes later the office called back with our appointment.

Insurance is tomorrow. As well as asking the insurance for the adoption benefit. So far we have been extremly lucky and know that we truly are blessed.

IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I (Scott) have not updated this and you would think this would be the first place I would go. Saturday afternoon Natalie got a call from one of the case workers we know. Our baby was born the day before and we needed to come met her and the birthmother that night. We were blown away. We had no idea we were even being shown. Well we drove to the hospital and met her, the birth mother and her dad and stepmom. What a cool night it was. We told them over and over again how touched we were that they would trust us with this responsibility. Placement happen Monday night and Maggie Grace came home to a mass of family. We let a couple of people know in the ward and boy did the news s[spread like wildfire. Family, friends, neighbors who have been praying for this to happen for the last 3 years all broke down in tears that it finally had come about.
Wow life is great.
We will keep updating this blog as our journey is not yet done. In fact it will never be done because adoption is part of our life as well as Maggie’s. Nat said it best.
“Adoption is a positive word in our family”

Friends help!

Last night we had a board meeting for our FSA group.(Our meetings are 50% business and 50% laughs it seems) These people we work with have become our friends. They understand the road to adoption since they are on it. They also have hit bumps as well. The best part of getting together is we can talk and laugh about what we are going through.
Humor is a great help, I don’t think we could have made it through the past 3 years without good friends who understand and a good laugh once in awhile.

FIND vs WAIT

Scott and I have been "waiting" for our miracle for almost three years now. I will be the first to say that this time has not been easy but as I said in my blog today, Trials are a part of life and how you deal with those trials measure your strength of character.
We try to stay away from the word WAIT and you will often hear us talking about finding our baby. We know that there is a baby out there that is supposed to come to our family; it is just a matter of finding that baby.
There is a great comparison between FIND and WAIT in a booklet called Someones Missing

WAIT

Waiting is passive. It is being idle and is extremely unfulfilling

W— “WHAT IF?”

As we wait, we may stay in a constant stat of “what if?” We may put off plans and not take full advantage of our present opportunities while we sit by the phone waiting for that important call.

A— ANXIOUS

As we wait we may get restless and uneasy. We may feel a lot of anxiety and worry about things over which we have no control

I— INSECURE

As we wait we may feel insecure and doubt our capacity to parent. We may feel un-worthy and have a sense of low self-esteem

T—TENSE

As we wait the tension may grow. If we are not careful contention can easily enter the home and we may begin to blame and easily hurt each other’s feelings

FIND

Finding is active. It is begin proactive in the search for your child. It is following the principle of doing all that we can and then relying on the Lord to help all things work together for our good.

F—FAITH

It takes faith to search for your child” faith in prayer that Heavenly Father will guide us and place us in the right places; faith through fasting that we will encounter the birthmother carrying our child; faith that the Lord will direct our paths and help us find our children.

I—INSPIRATION

The Spirit can inspire us to talk with those around us about our desire to adopt. As we listed to promptings and live close to the Spirit, we can be divinely guided in our efforts.

N—NETWORKING

It is beneficial to talk to everyone. Using every possible channel to get the word our can expand our voice and can increase the likelihood of finding our child.

D—DIVINE INTERVENTION

Once we have done all that we can do, we can rely on the Lord to intervene in our behalf. It is only through Him that all things are possible. The Lord will direct our paths.

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I personally have found, especially recently, that if you focus on the Lord and put your trust and faith in him, things generally have a way of working out. Not to say that things aren’t still difficult, they are just more manageable.